Valentine Cat Swallowed Up by Goldfish

Swallowed Up By the Goldfish

October 14, 2017 Posted by Valentine - 39 Comments

I told Mom that all I wanted for All Hallows Eve is a black goldfish of my very own. It was a simple request and I had set out instructions on where she could get one for me. I did all the leg or “tail” work. All she had to do was put up the money and pick up my fish. And this is what she got me! It’s certainly not black and it’s just WRONG for a fishy to try and swallow up a kitty! EEK!

You see at the beginning of the month I had called ahead on my Kickeroo phone, to the local sea store, to make sure that the black fishes were in stock. A nice human assured me that they were and he even sent me the following photo from their aquarium room:

The tag reads specifically: “BLACK MOOR GOLDFISH.” That means there are a whole lot more in there than you can actually see. I showed the photo to Mom and she had nodded her head. I took this to mean “Yes, I understand. I will obey and fill your request my sweet lil’ chat noir – my reason for living.”

Then a week went by until Mom announced that the brown truck man had dropped off my gift at the door. I thought it odd, ‘cause I had instructed Mom to get my present at the local sea store in person. At that moment I tapped my paw to my chin in thought, “Something smells kinda fishy.”

I should’ve known Mom was up to no good when she “lured” my gift out of a cardboard box! Now, I do know that babies are made by storks and are shipped in Chewy boxes, ‘cause my good furr-iend Dori from Wonderpurr said so. But I’m pretty sure baby fishes (or “minnows” to humans) don’t come that way. Besides, this one came in a Petco box and looks all grown up… unless… unless maybe this is a baby fish… and if so, how big are the adult fish?! The HORROR!

I looked down at the orange, wide-mouthed Bass thing with bulging eyes… I looked over at my Basset minion curled up on the floor. I looked back at the zombie fish. Then I realized something. The doggie doesn’t go in the water either. I think maybe the two are related. That would make sense.

I informed Mom that she made an error. “I thought I made it ‘crystal clear’ (as you humans say) as to want I wanted by showing you the fishy in aquarium visual,” my eyes stared at her, my brows furled. “But apparently, I needed to draw you a diagram or stamp it on your forehead. I don’t see ANY orange fishy swimming in that aquarium. Do you?!”

Mom was quick to point out that what she got me:

  • Is called a “goldfish”, too
  • Doesn’t require air to breath
  • Doesn’t need food or fresh water
  • Doesn’t require a tank or bowl to live in
  • Can be kept in a box, cupboard or closet
  • Doesn’t need to swim or even move at all
  • Won’t ever have to be flushed down the toilet
  • Requires minimal maintenance & upkeep = cheaper on her budget overall

“And see Val, this present is also your goldfish costume for Halloween!” Mom gave me a big smile and clapped, her curly hair seeming a bit more wild than usual.

I counterpawpointed:

  • It didn’t come from the tank of “MOOR!”
  • It doesn’t look like a black, fan-tailed, fishy version of me in the least
  • It doesn’t fit in my paw
  • It will never hear my purrs (I did actually purr when Mom put it on me, though)
  • It won’t wiggle and make me giggle
  • I can’t catch it with my hook claw
  • It keeps staring at me funny
  • I can’t eat it, and in fact, I think it wants to eat ME!

What was my mom thinking?! She gets a little bit more looney each day. I do love her, but sometimes she just really doesn’t get it.

I didn’t ask for this plush, non-hydro monster (although I dare say I rather do like the color – it’s so-o Hallows Evey and all!) I guess I’ll have to wait a little longer for my black goldfish… Good thing I’m a patient kitty.

“What Mom? Well, OK… I’ll pose (photo at top of post), but take the photo quickly before…”


Do you keep goldfish in your home? I would love for you to comment. I hoped you liked this post! Mew Mew!